Worries

I doubt anyone will ever read this but I just need somewhere to type my thoughts and worries really to in essence let them out for a bit. Hopefully it'll help me to stop stressing out and being on the verge of tears almost every day.

Right now I just worry about school and am really worried about if I'll be able to get enough money to pay for it this year since I already put down my application fee and all that... But right now I'm down over $2000 and I don't work enough to make that in 3 weeks time when I start, so I'll have to ask family and friends for it if anyone is willing to help. I hate being in debt to people but I'd prefer to owe them money compared to the bank or my parents. I would hate for my parents to be able to say 'we told you so' and 'you should've stayed home longer'.

I left home because I wanted out, I was sick of living in the same house, in the same room, with the same rules for 19 years of my life. So I moved in with some friends of mine which my parents seemed to hate because well they're both guys. But I needed out. I still feel trapped by them, right now I just feel like things aren't right in total. Things are bothering me too much, every little thing is cutting too deep, hurting too much. I don't know what's so wrong... but I need to figure it out and change it, whatever it is.

I hate to say it but I really just don't feel right, I feel like my skin is too tight and my head has been hurting for the last few days, I just hurt and I want it to stop. But I can't run away, I've run too long. I've got a roomie who tells me the harsh truth, as much as I hate him for it sometimes because it hurts all the more, but are those his views or mine? All I know is I need to find me, I need to hold onto myself but right now all I feel like is I need to be held.