I think I know what has been bothering me, it's that I love someone who can never be mine and I hate that. He can give himself to me sexually and can have feelings for me but he belongs to another. I guess it hurts so much because I don't know if he really wants me or not, or if he's just using me for sex, sure he says he cares and all that but why should he care about me? He has another to care for, to love, I'm just the extra on the side I guess. And that hurts, I really do hate being second best, espeically when my feelings are true... But I doubt he'd know that or read it for that matter... I should probably find my own place, live on my own, even though it'll drive me insane I'm sure it would make my parents happy.
I've been having some really strange dreams recently, they've had him in them and I really don't know what they mean... I've had a few bad dreams recently too... It's rather odd to remember dreams that I normally forget.
It bothers me everytime she texts him or talks to him on the computer, and I just don't really know how to deal with it... I mean I have no right in the matter, I shouldn't let it bother me but recently it'd been cutting too deep. Maybe it's because he doesn't seem to want to talk to me or spend anytime with me... It's like he's bored with me or something, which I wouldn't doubt, I'm a rather boring person it would seem. Though some would argue, but the facts show I must be, I mean my friends don't even want to talk to me anymore... I never get a message or phonecall or anything. Whatever.
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